The Real World
by SiriusWillRiseAgain
Summary: Harry Potter is not like the one you have read about in the books. Here he tells the story of his real life, in the real world. Drugs, death, slash. Rated PG13 mainly for language. Please R&R!
1. An Introduction To The Real Harry Potter

**I do not own Harry Potter. However, I do own Joe and the plot**

**Chapter 1 - An introduction to the Real Harry Potter**

So, I believe an introduction is called for. It's gonna be crap. Well, tough shit. It'll get better, I promise (though, as you will learn, I'm not so great at keeping those).

My name is Harry Potter. I'm 18. I am not the little prick you read about in those books. I've tried every drug you can think of, overdosed on Calpol, and stabbed my incredibly fat cousin. He deserved it though, I mean, what else could he expect? If you're gonna call someone so protective of their parents memory a 'drunken mistake between a whore and a floppy haired, good for nothing, pimp' then for God's sake, don't do it when they're holding a 7" kitchen knife.

So, my life, it's been good so far. Getting that letter from Hogwarts was a crap day though. I figured I wouldn't be allowed to stab people with compasses there. Technically I wasn't allowed to do that at my old school, but the teachers were so hung-over they didn't notice. Funny story – I put a needle on the cushion of Mr. Simmons chair. He's so blind, he didn't notice it, and he sat on it! Hilarious! And it would have gone so well if Zoë Panthazoid (seriously) hadn't grassed on me. Ah well, happy memories.

But the drugs have been the best bit. I'll never forget the time I took my first drag of marijuana (aged 13) or the first time I was high on Ecstasy (aged 14). It was Joe who introduced me to it. My best mate in the whole world. I'll never forget him. But he was more than a mate, so much more. Yes, that's right. I'm gay. Surprised? I bet you are. After all, you've all read those books, haven't you? I'm totally straight in those. Hell, they probably aren't allowed to print stuff about homosexuals! Well, this is the real world, and it's so much different.

I would just like to clarify that I never have been, and never will be, friends with Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger. Well, even if I wanted to, I couldn't be friends with both. They hate each other. Surprised again? Huh, there's plenty more of them to come. Though it has to be said, even though I hate him, I think Ron Weasley is beautiful. Absolutely fucking gorgeous. Whoever created him deserves a medal. And Hermione… well, she's pretty, if you're into that kinda thing (i.e. girls). But Ron… well, shit! Shit shit shit! Those blue eyes, woah! And the hair! I love red-heads! They are so dam sexy! If I didn't hate him so much, I'd go and snog his face off right this minute. Actually, it doesn't matter whether I like him or not, I'll probably end up fucking him anyway.

Anyway, back to Joe. I met him when I was 15, he was 17. We connected straight away. He introduced me to some people, and I experienced drugs like no other. Magically modified, of course. He had dark, dark brown (but not quite black) hair, dark brown eyes, and was about 6ft. His skin was naturally tanned, and he was addicted to hair products. Have you noticed I'm taking in the past tense yet? Good. He died a year ago, aged 19. And it wasn't even a drug overdose. He was hit by a car. And neither he nor the driver was drunk. Not the way he wanted to go. He was my first love, my only love, my baby. Needless to say, I dealt with the driver. Nigel, I think that was his name. He's at the bottom on the Thames now. I don't know why I chose the Thames. Maybe its cos that's where all the bodies get dumped in books and on TV. He'll have some other decaying people to keep him company. There have been others since Joe, but only short term relationships. If you could call them that. I just had them for the sex. So, what do you think of the famous Harry Potter, goody goody, hero, saviour to the world now?


	2. The Question

**I own the plot and Joe. Nothing else. If I owned Harry, I would be a very rich lady indeed. Which I am not.**

**Chapter 2 –The Question**

It was July 31st, my 17th birthday. Joe was taking me out, though I didn't know where. The Dursleys completely ignored me as I walked into the kitchen.

"I suppose you don't have anything to say to me?"

Uncle Vernon snorted; Aunt Petunia and Dudley just smirked.

"Like what? I can't think of anything_ important _happening today. Can you mum?" Dudley smiled at his mother sweetly. She just patted him on the head, glaring at me as she walked past.

"Bacon, Diddums? Vernon? I think I may even have some myself this morning!"

"I'll have some," I said. Just to see their reactions. It was as expected.

"No one offered you any, _boy_. But there's a bit of cereal left. No milk though. _Sorry._" Uncle Vernon was trying hard not to laugh. He obviously thought he'd just made the joke-of-the-year.

I stood up. I wasn't really angry, but I pretended to be. That wiped the smirks off their faces. The colour drained from Uncle Vernon's face as I pulled out my wand.

"You-you, you can't do any m-m-magic out of school. You'll be expelled."

Ha. I had an answer to that.

"Actually, I come of age today," I said, a malicious grin spreading across my face. "I can use magic whenever I want. So fuck you!" I spat at him. He looked terrified. 'Good,' I thought, 'get him quivering. I'll show them whose boss around here.'

I threw my cup of coffee at the wall. Dudley screamed and dived under the table. Aunt Petunia look stunned. After all, coffee makes a dreadful stain on walls. Uncle Vernon was quickly turning that delightful shade of purple that he always does. It suits him _so _much. I stormed out of the room, and ran straight into Joe.

"Morning!" He said cheerily. God, he looked amazing! He was wearing a red T-Shirt with blue anti-fit jeans. Aunt Petunia wandered out of the kitchen in a daze.

"I hope you don't mind me just wandering in here, Mrs Dursley. I've been ringing the doorbell for ages!!" Ha, like hell he had. I said a cheery goodbye, and left with Joe.

"So, where we headed?" I asked. Joe just looked at me mysteriously. We got in his car, and drove off. About 30minutes into the journey, Joe looked at me.

"I know I've forgotten something," he said, a look of concentration on his face, like he was trying to drag out whatever it was that he'd forgotten. "Oh, I know! Your present!" He rummaged around in the glove compartment for a minute, trying to keep an eye on the road at the same time. He pulled out a small package, badly wrapped in green paper.

I unwrapped the package, and discovered a long box.

"What's this?" I asked

"You know, if you actually _open _it, you might just find out!"

I opened it. Inside was a beautiful chain. It was silver, and had a black dragon attached to it. I turned it over, examining it. Engraved on the back of the dragon were the words 'Harry, Happy Birthday, love Joe'.

"Wow, Joe, its gorgeous. I mean, wow."

I asked myself how he could have afforded it. The answer came to me almost instantly. Drug money. Well, I didn't care; why should I. As I was staring at the chain, I noticed the car slowing down. I looked out of the window, and what I saw shocked me. We were at the park! The _park? _Joe wasn't a big fan of places like that. It was too happy for him. I liked them though. As long as there are not too many people there. Joe came and opened my door.

"Follow me," he said. I looked up at him questioningly. "Come _on_," he laughed, "or you won't get to see the surprise!" Surprise? I like surprises. Especially nice ones that involve your boyfriend on your birthday.

I followed him into the park. I asked him where we were going. He wouldn't give me a straight answer, so I gave up and concentrated on trying to keep up with the fast pace he had set. We walked along for about 10 minutes before we reached our destination. A bench. All that walking, for a bloody park bench. Why couldn't we just have sat on one of the _other _benches that weren't so far away?

"Sit," Joe commanded. I sat. "Now Harry, you're probably wondering why we have just walked 10 minutes to find a bloody park bench, when there are plenty closer to the car." Bloody hell, this guy could read my mind. I nodded at him. "Ok, well, the thing is, I wanted us to have some privacy." Privacy? My eyes lit up. This must be important.

Joe looked slightly uncomfortable, like he wasn't sure what to say. He put his hand in a pocket of his jacket, and pulled out a small box.

"Harry, I know we haven't really been going out long," hang on – haven't been going out long? Is two years not a long time to be going out then? I didn't say that though. "But, well, I really, really love you. You know that. So," he took a deep breath, "will you, err….. will you marry me?"

My heat skipped a beat. I must have misheard him. But no, what else could he have said. Joe was looking at me expectantly. What else could I say but…

"YES!!! YES I WILL!!!" I kissed him hard.

"Here, have a look!" He said, holding out the box. I opened it. A small gasp escaped from between my lips. The ring was stunning. Absolutely stunning. It was plain silver, but somehow, it looked different. I held it up to the light, and all the colours of the rainbow shone through it. I stared at it, mesmerised.

"I – I, oh my God, it's so beautiful. Joe, where did you, oh my…" I trailed off. I looked at him, and he had the biggest grin spreading across his face. He knew what I was trying to say.

* * *

Thanks to johnnys-my-hottie, my first (and only so far!) reviwer on this story! You rock! lol. Harry was very confrontational (I don't know if that's the word we are looking for, but w/e!!) in the first chapter. He toned down a bitfor this one though!I liked him like that though,we will be seeing that side of Harry again!

**Please R&R, please!!**


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